17 Oct Monday Mindset Mastery: 6 Tips to Crush Negative Self-Talk
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Time to be honest. How many times have you heard yourself saying:
“I’m so confused.”
“I can’t believe it.”
“I just can’t win.”
I’ll raise my hand to go first. I’ve said them too many times.
Here’s my next question: how do you feel after you say those words?
I’ll bet so.
That’s because words have power. Words are a physical thrust of energy into the Universe. The energy and power of words can be used to aid, heal, hinder, hurt, injure, humiliate, and humble.
Because our words have such power, we need practices that help us remember to use extreme caution and responsibility when we speak. Once spoken, words cannot be taken back. People can only forgive us for the hurtful words we say, but they may never forget them. However, the positive words we say can last forever, especially if they have a significant impact on their lives.
So, how can you self-coach your way to wiser words that actually serve you? Here’s a few ideas:
1. Identify the right emotion.
Many times we say “I’m so confused” when what we’re actually feeling is uncertainty. We’ll mumble “I can’t win when” what we’re actually feeling is frustration. Naming the right emotion helps us get to the right mindset which helps us take the right action. Check out this powerful tool that I use in my coaching practice for giving emotions the right name.
2. Curb the criticism.
People who are harshly critical of others are almost always harshly critical of themselves. As Oscar Wilde once said, “Criticism is the only reliable form of autobiography.” It tells you more about the psychology of the critic than the people he or she criticizes. The moment you feel yourself ready to criticize someone, take yourself through the 3-step check in by asking 1) is it true 2) is it necessary or 3) is it helpful? Taking yourself through this 3-step check in for others will make it easier to do for yourself.
3. Refresh and replace.
Deprecating words like ‘ugly, fat, weak, worthless, dumb, slow…” are all words that belittle and disparage a person’s worth. The first step for getting them out of your vocabulary is to replace these harsh adjectives with antonyms or opposites. Remember those from 4th grade English class? Each time you hear yourself using a deprecating word about yourself or someone else, grab a sticky note, write out the opposite word and hang it in a place that you can see it. Want a quick, reusable template to make it easier? Download yours in our community library here.
4. Close the vents.
My mother has a saying, “be careful who you vent to. A listening ear is also an open mouth.” Talking about other people’s lives is never beneficial, especially when we speak negatively. The truth is, we never really know the full story of another person’s experience. The opposite of that is also true. When we’re venting, we’re often just giving the worst of the worst details – the very things that we don’t want to manifest in our lives. The problem with venting is that people often remember our vents long after we’ve forgotten about them. Start a personal journal where you can write out your vents and then, when you’re done, close the book on them. Grab your free workshop resources on journal writing to get you started!
5. Do a negativity diet.
Negative people utter negative words and before long their lives are filled with negativity. Let’s be honest – social media is a major source of negativity! Challenge yourself this week to reduce your exposure. Keep a favorite book or your Kindle device handy. Each time you feel the urge to scroll through social media, open your book or reader instead. You’ll be amazed by how uplifted you’ll feel with that one simple shift!
6. Get consistent with compliments – giving and getting.
Have you ever met a person who had a hard time receiving a compliment? That’s what happens when negative self-talk gets rooted too deeply. Negative self-talk makes it hard to give and receive a sincere compliment.Kind words are short and easy to say, but their ripples are truly limitless.
Stop for a minute and think about how good it feels when someone says, “you look great” … don’t you really begin to actually feel great? Start every morning with an affirming compliment of yourself, beginning today.
Never underestimate the power of words. Their power will constantly be a part of our lives. Our capacity to find love and joy absolutely depends on the frequency of those words being pursued, conveyed, obtained, and comprehended. Our words have weight.
Let’s speak warmhearted, caring, positive, inspiring, empowering, and life-giving words into our lives and the lives of others – beginning today.
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Be well, friend, and have an awesome week!
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